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Lori Kikuchi will be presenting a series of two Local Search Engine Optimization (SEO) workshops for the Greater Raleigh chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO). The workshops will be held on February 21 and 23 from 6:30 pm – 9:00 pm at the Brier Creek Earthfare community room. The goal of the workshops is for each participant to claim/create and optimize their local business listings in the major search engines.

Continue reading »]]> I heard some sad news from an acquaintance of mine. She told me that she and her husband were divorcing. The situation was new for her and I could hear the deep pain and sadness in every word she spoke. She and her husband have a 13 year old son. How sad for him to have to experience this major family transition – especially when he is already overwhelmed by the changes happening within his mind and body. Divorce is so hard on children.

My next thought was, “how can I help this family?” I knew one way. My intent was to tell her about the attorneys who belong to the Collaborative Law Practice Group in Raleigh/Durham, Separating Together.  I asked her if she had ever heard of Collaborative Divorce. My heart sank when she told me that she had never heard of it.

Collaborative Divorce is a process that allows for more peaceful resolutions and easier transitions for families than the traditional adversarial divorce process. That doesn’t mean it is easy or without conflict. It does mean that there are no court trials and that the goal is different. Instead of each spouse and their attorney fighting for what they think they deserve, both spouses and both attorneys work together toward a common goal of constructing creative resolutions and compromises that will help the whole family move forward after the divorce – with less bitterness and anger.

To illustrate how Collaborative Divorce is different from a traditional divorce, I am going to focus on what most of us know as “child custody arrangements”.  Within the process of Collaborative Divorce, parents and their specially trained attorneys work together to create a Parenting Plan.  Multiple options are thoroughly explored and mutually agreed upon. A Child Specialist is available to bring the voice of the child into the room during the planning meetings. The Child Specialist meets once or twice with the minor children to understand their needs and desires regarding how the new family structure might work.

In a planning meeting, imagine one spouse saying, “I want the children to live with me and they can stay at your home every other weekend”. While the other spouse says, “I need to see the children more than that. I want them to live with me every other week. At least that’s fair”. How can these parents come to a mutual agreement when their positions are so strong and so far apart? This is where the Child Specialist can interject the voice of the children by saying, “The children told me that their neighborhood friends often play together on Friday afternoons after school. It is very important to them that they be at their mother’s home Thursday and Friday nights to allow them to be with their friends without having to worry about transitioning from one home to another”.  Then another person in the room, one of the spouses or one of the attorneys, may say, “Let’s draw out a plan using that as a starting point so we can see if that arrangement is viable”.

Often, when the child’s point of view is heard, the spouses begin to think as parents again, and they are more able to think of arrangements that are best for the family instead of themselves.

Collaborative Divorce uses similar processes to address financial and property distribution agreements. I hope you will let me know if you would like me to share more information about the process of Collaborative Divorce. The most important piece of information I hope you will take away from this article is that there are alternatives to the traditional adversarial approach to divorce. Choose your DIVORCE PROCESS first and your DIVORCE ATTORNEY second.

Collaborative Divorce has been available in North Carolina since 2003. It is a process used throughout the world.

IACP video: follow a real couple through the collaborative divorce process

I would like to thank my clients for sharing their knowledge and wisdom with me, especially Mark Springfield and the other members of Separating Together, and Ellie Izzo, PhD and Vicki Carpel-Miller, co-founder of the Collaborative Divorce Institute.

Learn and share information about the process of Collaborative Divorce:

• Separating Together, a Collaborative Practice Group in Raleigh, NC, located in Raleigh, NC
• 3-C Family Services: Families in Transition, located in Cary, NC
• NC Divorce Information web site
• Collaborative Divorce Institute (CDI), collaborative divorce training for professionals
• International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP)